Women break and children cry

                        And he laughs

            His world ends before his eyes

                        On he laughs

          He fires his gun, he never shakes

                      He just laughs

    Drenched in the blood of the lives he takes

                      He only laughs

        War wears down as revenge gets old

                   And he laughs no more

For every death by his hand and he lost a part of his soul

               Silence set in

As years go by he sees the world grow as cold as he

               And he can laugh once more

Living decay on crumbling streets as far as he can see

            And he’ll just keep laughing on

Born with a promise of freedom, a hope sworn inherent

Taught soon in free world’s just to survive the impoverishes dignity must often fall absent

Begging and scavenging for scraps just to make it through another night

Given less than the chance for the bare minimum and told you’re in a place with equal rights  

Bitterly swallowing down your weakness
Wiping away that morning’s tears
Forced to hide behind false distractions
Just to keep from believing all you hear
And soon it all starts to feel pointless
When all you want is something to be clear
Just something to end the stupid questions
And to calm the worst of what you fear
That at the end you really are just worthless
　

something more　

from a tiny one room apartment
to a trailer somewhere south
the many years of torment
and being stifled whenever I opened my mouth

but even after years of being broken
there’s still something worth dreaming for
when all else has been stolen from you
you must dream of being something more

through losing loves and dignity
and breaking my own heart
ending up no closer to feeling free
almost where I was at the start

but there’s just one way to go on when it’s all been ripped away
just keep holding on to that dream that maybe there’s something more
something that can change, and make it finally feel okay
remind me that maybe I’m worth fighting for

how I dream of something more

happened in the way you’d most expect
little girl got caught up in a boy’s regrets
but she just smiled as the world came crumbling down

she remembered his words of pain and fear
how he surrounded himself with the thickest of walls
but she still found herself wanting to be near
his darkness drew her her in and soon it shaped how she saw

now he’s gone but she still cannot forget
how dread and darkness became a means to protect
and when all was lost. he wasn’t,  his words were still around　

so achingly untouchable
effortlessly you captured my soul
unrelentingly breathtaking
holding a power greater than you’ll ever know
so painfully unforgettable
in far too deep, so very long ago　
just so blindly heartbreaking
so utterly unreachable

relapse

so sure in moments of pain
pushing away feeling with great blame
strength unlearned leaves little gained
when time just reminds you nothing’s changed

in reaction to pain we promise to deny
what weakens us each and every time
almost believing we’ll never go back
but eventually the heart always has a relapse
and we get caught missing what’s so good at making us cry
that we forget that when we first said it we never believed our own lies

but does knowing better save us at all
when we still find ourselves ready to fall　
lost in something dark knowing most hearts never thaw
wishing you could have been numb to all you’ve felt and saw

Take any little girl
Teach her everything you know
Except the honest truth of this world
Make all the promises to care and protect
But cast her aside when she returns covered in shame and dirt

Teach her to bury down the pain
And make sure to blame her for all her tears
Never dare show mercy or offer hope through cold refrain
A scolding silence between yells making that little girl
Into something better or perhaps broken, but all the same

From your own hands shaped
This little girl was forever changed

　

Safe

The dreams of a fool clinging to hope like it’s security
When whispers of real safety just come and go
Like fleeting rumors in the wind
And every time I try to follow
I fall down farther than I was when the fear began

Wanting to try anything just for a little control and safety
But everything feels futile when even your mind is against you
Try to reach for anger but the shame always boils up
When it never fucking ends what can I really do
Hoping nothing’s my fault just isn’t quite enough

So I promise myself it has to get better eventually
But that never seems to come
I just grow weaker and more scarred
As time goes on
Just wanting to feel safe shouldn’t be this hard.

We draw such sharp lines in our minds
Never clear until trampled on
And a piece of us gets lost in the break
Just simple lines protecting us until we find,
Crossing is often too much for us to take
Soon it all feels like a series of mistakes

When we realize just how fragile we are
Because we gave ourselves away
And when we’re pushed too far
Sometimes it’s hardest to forgive and stay

When you start to wonder how someone could nearly break your heart
Always remember that no one can hurt you unless you give them the right tools
And in anger you can’t blame someone for learning from you exactly what to use
With the heart being sure of trust is just one of the things that’s so hard
But even when you’re sure there is always something precious to lose
No matter how prefect the person you choose

Time has ran out and I’m left forced to survive
Convincing myself there’s truth to my lies

Guarding from everything, cruel and kind alike
Welcoming numbness, I’m weary from this inner fight

Learning once again how to fake honest cheer
Hoping soon even I’ll believe I’m through with those tears

I miss the dirt
That hallow grime
Bred from hard lives
And crashing minds

I miss the noise
Screaming through peace and crime
Brutality and beauty
The truth sung through time

It can be such a hassle
When your world is so fragile
Even the smallest things can tear it apart

Your life’s on an edge
And you’re standing on weakened legs
Always just waiting, waiting for the fall

Still waiting
But it’s almost over now
Pain’s fading
Well enough of it is to allow

Looking forward
And maybe a little dreaming again
Feelings uncensored
As this era of torture ends

But I am still waiting
It’s just a few more long and terrible days
And as it gets closer
I anxiously wait for these memories to fade